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| lol yea ive heard that about my boy dramas; comments like i should write a book or make a show about them... but it is fairly true.
it changes every week and im always crying over a 5 day relationship that started with lust and ended with sex and finding the truth that i was only used.
so heres the lates story. haha
there is ANOTHER guy called luke on my lips right now.
or atleast the phone he is talking through on my ears. =]
i met him properly on tuesday and saw him ages ago and i told my friend (as i pointed him out of the group) that i would hook up with him.
of course she had to tell everyone the news and so she did. and he found out and said that he thoguht i was hot aswell.
and then there was a small party me and my friend went to and she likes this guy joel and everyone at the party wanted me to hook up with luke, because he wanted to hook up with me and i said NOOO to everything and his mate Joel wanted to hook up with me and they were fair litterally having bitches at eachother about who would get it.
well i decided becasue of the pressure none of them would and well; long story short; joel gave up and left and luke stayed and wasnt to fussed that i had previousely pushed him away from my face.
he was fine to just talk and well on the walk home with my friend me luke and his friend things changed and i ended up having my legs wrapped around him against a fence making out. =]
(and yes i had my clothes on!) haha
and now i am going to the movies with him in a few days and im so happy that maybe this guy is decent. because like me he has been hurt for no real reason and he has been screwed over many times and well; were both finding it hard to trust anoyone of the opposite sex agian and well that kind of makes me trust him more.
im doing situps again; because i refuse to have sex until my stomache is more than just flab and yea.
im going to joels on friday night for a few drinks and then i will see luke afterward and now im happy.
i might even sleep at his house.
im happy because he is not a slutt, and has only had sex with 3 different people all of which he really cared for; so in all he seems worht the time!
but even so i am scared to care about any one ever again. =[
other than you girl (duhh)
lol
thats the latest eppisode.;
ahha
love yous all FKN HEAPS!!!
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxox
TAKE CAREE AND STAY STRONGGGG!
ps. the job at the deli; thats the one i went to an interview for
so obviousely i got accepted. haha
theyre all really nice there (except for one old grumpy man/chick haha) but yea.
so im happy; but i look gay in my uniform and have to tie ALL my hear back into a cap.
lol
ew. and im working at 8am on sunday. ewwww.
gahhhhh
love muchhhh!!
xoxoxox | | |
| well luke never wants to see me again.
i slept with a guy; HOTT
turns out he was brother of a really HOTT and good friend of mine HAHA.
it was like, ummm wtf. haha small small world.
im going to be a slutt for the next two weeks and a whore for another 2 months.
im sick of caring.
i just get hurt; like by people like luke and blayne and riley
and thats just the most recent.. and matt. AHA
so fuck boys for now... fuck health
im guna get bleached white hair when im skinny, im guna dress all slutty... im guna be drunk and naked everytime someone sees me out of school.
im guna have a joint or a ssmoke hanging from my jaw and im going to forget the meaning of any food supplament other than greens. :]
i dream of being a ratty skinny hott slutt who everyone hates cous she fucks their boyfriends.
wow.
what a sad honesty.
i would never tell my friends that. but its true .
so yer, there you go guys :]
got busted smoking by mom.
job interview tomorrow
finished school today
started greens diet tomorrow
stopped caring long ago
was always fat
im falling into societies misserable traps of ratty whorey happiness. and its bliss to be blind to love and emotions. drugs and alcohole look so good right now.
i just promise myself that next year i will be good again and get into uni, where i will party and fuck hard.
thanks for listening.
there are only 2 people i deliberately keep ion contact on this site. and i love you both.
everyone else.. who the fuck are you??
BAHHHAA
love much . xoxoxoxoxooxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
dont ever leave me guys.
cous im never going to leave you. :]
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| CURRENTLY: still hung over from friday night. YESS the friday night that just happened the one my mom THINKS i was at my friends house for.. no, no... i was at the beach with luke and then at a party he ditched me at with him.
I WAS SUPPOSED: to stay at his mate Jamies house with Luke but then there was a fight in the party and EVERYONE was kicked out.. and i lost sight of him and ended up staying at a DIFFERENT lukes house with another boy named Corren aswell.
I spent ALL night rejecting this OTHER DIFFERENT luke and explaing that i likes MY LUKE too fkn much to even kiss.
then the next day i got mom to pick me up from the shops; got home... fell asleep... woke up... rang luke
and it was there i was told EVERYTHING about his feeling awkward and shit crap.
and it was then that i spent the WHOLE night crying myself to sleep.
THE GOOD THING; the interent which was down is now backk. :]
and the other good thing is my CLOSE friends sister just had her baby. :]
STUPID NEWS: im still wearing Lukes jumper, which smells sweetly like him.. and i slept in it and ATTEMPTED sex with him in it. <33 | | |
| still thinking about blayne; but more about not eating
so im getting there.
met someone new, he's nice, but likes someone else.
my best guy friend was litterally just ruined by a girl, and i doubt he'll ever heal.
and then my other friend has gone to thailand.
i still have heaps left though; but its just interesting how many people are kind of just doing their own thing these days.
exams starting monday, im so scared.
i need more ciggarettes, ive been stealing my moms for the past 2 weeks and they are SO FKN weak; i need strong ones to hide the hunger pains.
i am so weak atm, like i always give in to them, its like i just cant do anything right.
i got %43 on my math exam; dad will shoot me, so if im not hear im probably dead!!
haha
like im scared of him, well i am, but not of him, just what he is capable of i guess.
love you all so much, i know im only talking to a couple of peopel here, but thats because ive only chosen to remain in contact with the really close supportive nice girls from when i was on here 24/7
love you so much babes!
im sure you guys are beautiful.
xoxoxox.
Lauren. | | |
| ive been broken; again.
and im already better.
says he wishes he'd never met me; blames drinking and his sex drive on me.
until we met he was a virgin; now he isnt.
the love lasted 4 petty weeks and came to a disasterous end.
now i know all he ever was, was a bitch.
the things he now says and the actions he now performs are what hurt me most.
im not upset anotmore, just angry about what he really turned out to be.
the argument we had; about him comparing me to his best friend (shinta); one pretty girl.
they are glued; and in his mind i was nothing more than jealous... he was wrong; i didnt even care, my best friends are guys.
what set me of was when he had a hissy; "lauren im sick of you, your annoying me today"
i asked why he said he had no reason.. then he remarked
"its okay because i also get sick of shinta aswell"
that was where all the things were said and i let it all go.
lets face it, he wasnt right for me and neither were his mood swings.
now im happy again and feel like there is no burdon on my back.
quitting smoking, becomming more social and being fit and thin.
im not blinded anymore by shit and im going to be happy.
exams on monday; study study. my brain is aching from it all.
ha. oh well.
love you girls.
i need advice on my weight. im too fat.
cant beleive i let him see me naked. ew.
worried i might be carrying his baby.
fuckk.
he fingered me with cum on his hands; that is worrying.
i cant get that fat.
and i cant tell my mom either.
love you muchly.
THE END
next part about blayne memories.
__________________________________________
the things ill miss most; one story per paragraph.
when he held my face with both his hands; close to his.
when he did that and pulled me in to him, nose to nose;
when we did that and he told me id gone blury;
when he said that and i said it back.
when we dressed up in his clothes;
when we made out in his cupborad while doing so.
when we got caught making out by his mom because of the shadow we made in the hallway.
when i pulled my pants up and his mom came in secconds later;
when he then jumped out of bed to prevent suspicions;
when his pants fell down because they were undone;
when his mom worked it all out and left the room.
when we went into his room after church;
when he spooned me and tried to hide his boner;
when he touched me on the leg;
when my clothes came of;
when he held me softly in his arms;
when we breathed heavily together;
when his eyes were looking into mine;
when his vision borrowed mine.
those are my favourite memories.
the only thing about him i shall miss.
the things any other guy can give a girl;
which makes it all okay, because i know ive still got hope.
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